Even in the course of the most amicable divorce, the children are going to go through some trauma, and as their parent, you need to be sensitive to what they are feeling and what they could be thinking. The effects of divorce on children can be varied and range from the mild to the severe. As a parent you need to be patient. You aren't the only person who was traumatized by your divorce, after all.
Your children are probably very afraid that you could potentially stop loving them. All the talk you give them about always loving their other parent but not being "in" love with that parent aren't isn't enough to shield your child from the fear that someday you might not be "in" love with them either. All they know is that their other parent is suddenly not around very much anymore, and there aren't words that can explain the real reason why. These effects of divorce on children can manifest itself in a number of ways. Your kids might get clingier and need more attention or they might even push you away in an attempt to make it hurt less if you decide not to love them (of course you won't stop loving your kids, but kids aren't always sure of this, especially during a divorce).
Your kids are also probably very angry at you. Whichever parent has more custody is going to bear the brunt of this anger. After all, whoever they live with is going to be seen as either the parent who pushed the other parent away or, conversely, the parent who couldn't keep the other parent happy enough to stay around. If you are the "part time" parent, your kids might be very angry with you for leaving, regardless of the real reason why you left. Kids only see that one of their parents is gone, and they want to blame that on somebody. Anger is one of the most common effects of divorce on children. This anger can be expressed in outbursts and sullenness. Sometimes your kids will act up at school because they aren't sure how to vent their anger.
Often, even when your kids say they are feeling fine, the fear and anger can manifest themselves in ways that aren't overt. You will want to watch out for stomach aches, trouble sleeping or feeling too tired all of the time. Keep an eye on how much your kids eat during meal times. A lack of appetite is a sure sign that something is wrong.
Unfortunately there is no way to shield a child from the pain that comes from watching parents split up. You can try to ease the trauma, but the fact is that there are negative effects of divorce on children and you will want to watch out for signs of these effects. The best way to deal with these effects is to try to keep their lives and routines as normal as possible while giving them all of the extra attention they need.
How to Get a Divorce Tip #1
You need a lawyer. Even if you think that things will stay friendly and both you and your spouse make every effort to keep them that way, a lawyer must be consulted to make sure that everything is filled out and filed correctly. You can use the same lawyer if you want to keep the costs down, but a lawyer must be consulted. |
How to Get a Divorce Tip #2
Your County Clerk is the best place to go for divorce forms and filings. They will have the forms that are the most up to date. Using older forms can waste time and money when you are forced to fill out a more current version. Laws and forms change all the time, make sure yours are the correct ones to use! |
How to Get a Divorce Tip #3
This is not going to be an easy time for you. Even if you and your spouse are convinced that the divorce is in both of your best interests and things remain friendly, ending a marriage is never an easy process. Make sure you have a good system of support surrounding you to help you get through it. |
